#42 Becoming Emotionally Intelligent with Jordan HARBINGER
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March 27, 2016
Game Plan Session: With the famed podcaster and co-founder of The Art of Charm, Jordan Harbinger
BACKGROUND
In this game plan session, we focus on emotional intelligence with podcasting phenom, Jordan Harbinger. We also get into the details of decision making in high-adrenaline situations, first impressions,and networking and how athletes can improve upon these skills.
BIOGRAPHY
Jordan has spent several years abroad in Europe and the developing world, including South America, Eastern Europe, and the Middle East, and speaks several languages. He has also worked for various governments and NGOs overseas, traveled through war zones, and been kidnapped — twice. He’ll tell you the only reason he’s still alive and kicking is because of his ability to talk his way into (and out of) just about any type of situation.
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PERSONAL QUOTE
“You never rise to the level of your expectations, but you default to the level of your training.”
KEY DISCUSSION POINTS
How do we react in high-adrenaline situations?
How can athletes prepare for being forced or having to take on different roles?
How can we begin to make positive personality changes in our life?
How important is it being able to be comfortable and confident with teammates and coaching staff? @21:30
How does this translate to success and building our network not only in sports but outside of it?
What are some simple ways for athletes to show up to new teams and come off in a way they they can be trusted? @29:30
How important is it to treat people well before even meeting them?
How important is this for general happiness in life? @36:00
How can people get started on increasing their emotional intelligence? @40:55
KEY LESSONS
Many people have the thoughts of: “if i get into a conflict, this is exactly how I will respond” but the way we react to things in high pressure situations is completely different. When we are in these instances, like athletes in a big game, everything falls back on training. This is why it is hard sometimes for an athlete to describe what they did during “that big play” because it is just second nature. No actual thinking was done in the moment because these moments happen so fast.
If you are an athlete, you have to be able to step up to the plate because you might need to take on different roles on your team. One important skill to have is connecting with people.
Just because you were not born with advanced emotional intelligence does not mean it is impossible to achieve. They are a set of skills. Some people use a fallback as being an introvert. You can’t fall back on introversion anymore. This is accepting mediocrity and denying the ability to gain more emotional intelligence.
Improving your skills in ”emotional intelligence” may not sound appealing, but changing your outlook to “having awesome relationships, becoming more attractive, and improving your leadership charisma” is basically the same thing. @14:10
Everyone is always looking for the quick fix or easy way to learn a new skill, but the reality is everyone is different.
Psychology says people in conversation tend to mirror each other. It also says that our body language exposes what we are feeling inside even if we are not trying to show it. So, if we are nervous, our body shows it and whoever we are conversing with mirrors this feeling. This explains why girls get weirded out by guys leaving them to wonder: why? It is not in fact what they did, it is how they are. @21:30
“Your body is a terrible liar” @25:30
People with bigger social circles usually have happier lives, funner social lives, and . larger incomes.
First impressions in sports and in life are made from the first instance you appear on your new teammates radar, not necessarily when you are first introduced. So pay attention to how your body language is coming off. Female sports are even tougher because women are much harder on each other than guys are. @29:30
“Everything good that has happened in my business, 99% of all the positive things that have randomly happened, were through random social connections.” You need to go outside your normal inner circle. “Massive opportunities can be found in situations where you are forced to meet other people.” @36:00
One drill to start working on improving emotional intelligence is through posture. Every time you walk through a doorway, straighten up, keep your shoulders back and your head up and smile. This creates a positive, nonverbal impression. If you do this every time, even in your house, it becomes a habit. This is how we make our first impressions. @40:55
